Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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