He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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