Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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