Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
this must be what syphilis tastes like
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
