Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
