His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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