New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
