So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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