Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize