If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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