If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
