is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
