this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
