is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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