Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
