you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
