She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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