i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
