bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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