the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize