i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
