You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
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idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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