I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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