she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
