This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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