I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
