I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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