i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Someone shattered a urinal.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My bed smells like the plague
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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