then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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