Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
