Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
