I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
