Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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