it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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