I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
