Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
