There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
