I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
