Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
His nipple licking is glorious
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