Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
