he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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