I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
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