oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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