1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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