just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
