That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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