me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
