you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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