I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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