My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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