Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
