moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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