Your mouth is God's brothel.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
