If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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