You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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