Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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