I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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