It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
