He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
