how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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