We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
