Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize