Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
