I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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