just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
