I want you more than these girls want KFC
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
