omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
