areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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