you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
