So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
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as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
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We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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