you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
