thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I need a burrito and a hug.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
