Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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