..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
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so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
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I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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