dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
