went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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