I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
