Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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